Posted by
atomicturtle on Saturday, June 02, 2007 6:04:15 PM
Guys. Listen. This is serious. There is a very very serious threat facing our world, and if we don't take action now, our children and our children’s children will have to pay the price. You thought global warming was bad? This is worse. Much worse.
I read about this in Playboy the other day and thought it was a joke. Haha Hef, very funny - but then I looked it up. And the truth horrified me. So much so, that I haven't been able to sleep since.
"Scientists claim that due to decay from its orbit, the moon is destined to disintegrate in 5 billion years."
5 billion years!?!?! That's like, TOMORROW!!!!!! Feel free to scream in horror and curl into the fetal position in a corner. After I read that, I laid there crying and sucking my thumb for a good two hours.
Reading up on the subject, I discovered - much to my continued horror - that not only is the moon doomed, that destroyed chunks of the moon will fall to the Earth - killing millions upon millions. And then things get REALLY bad. Once the moon chunks are gone, the photosphere will hit the Earth causing it to eventually fall into the Sun.
This morning, I went out and joined the Democrat Party because this terrible threat is clearly the fault of Republicans. I don't know how and why, but I'm sure it has something to do with rich people, Wal-Mart, the War in Iraq, racism, Atlas Shrugged, oil-based energy, not legalizing gay marriage, and our lack of a national health care plan. I'm quite certain that all these things are responsible for the moon being in such a precarious state.
We should be afraid. We should be very very afraid. And more importantly, we need to do something - now. My suggestion: make Bill Clinton "President For Life". Al Gore would work too. It's a universally accepted fact that nothing bad ever happened anywhere ever while they were in office, and the way I figure it, if we throw out the Republicans, it will stop the moon from disintegrating and raining terrible vengeance down our precious, precious non-existent future generations, and it will prevent the Earth from spiraling into the Sun.
I, for one, am quite willing to sacrifice my rights to life, liberty, and property to prevent this terrible thing from happening. And you should be to. And if you aren't - too bad, we're going to strip them from you anyway. Because this threat MUST be stopped. Not for our sake, but for the sake of our children. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Don't question authority! Don't think! Don't ask questions! Your rights are meaningless in the face of this horrible threat!
The time to act is now! If you don't blindly believe everything a Democrat says, YOU WILL BE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING THE MOON AND INCINERATING THE EARTH.