Posted by
atomicturtle on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 1:12:14 AM
So, earlier today I wound up with the misfortune of reading this bit of stupidity. So, being the jerk I am, I decided to write a similar letter in utter mockery of this walking punchline and send it to him (I haven't gotten a reply yet):
Dear Mr. Bush,
I am a 20yr old socialist twerp from The People's Republic of California that doesn't know anything other than what I mindlessly parrot from The Daily Show and from Democratic Underground. I really don't know much outside of what my liberal, gentrified college campus has indoctrinated me with, but I do know that I hate you and that I am against you being president. It's super-trendy, especially on a California college campus, to be anti-Bush - so in an effort to look cool in front of my peers, I jumped on the Bush-hating bandwagon and make it a point to engage in rhetoric-filled nonsensical missives that show everyone who's watching just how righteous my indignation is! I hate anything even remotely right-wing for the sole reason that it is right-wing, and I inundate my life only with things that reaffirm this prejudice.
I do not, and will not ever think twice about this Mr. Bush. I am a liberal. My dogma and my fundamentalism cannot and will not be shaken. The public opinion is on my side, and if the public agrees with it, it MUST be right. I am a part of the mob, and everybody knows that might makes right. I will blindly follow them wherever they go and on whatever they do because, like them, I cannot be bothered to think for myself. The only thing I know is how to be offended - how to have a visceral emotional reaction to something without giving it any thought. I spend my days and my life being offended - at something, at anything - because I do not know how to be happy. I do not know how to enjoy life. Therefore, I make it a point to be actively looking for reasons to be offended so that I can fill my days with my aforementioned righteous indignation. I won't actually do anything about anything, mind you - but I will whine and moan and complain constantly, preaching to my own choir in a desperate and somewhat pathetic attempt to gain the approval of and a pat on the head from my peers.
Your lies and the lies of your Republican cronies will never be swallowed by me. I will purposefully refuse to listen or read to anything that is on Fox News, KVI, or anything with even the slightest indication of anything but a complete liberal slant - because regardless of whether it's factually correct, if it's in any way favorable to you, it's wrong. It's just another part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. Do you hear me Mr. President? If it's right, it's wrong. No matter what. And I would rather remain ignorant and naive than have to consider anything that conflicts with what I already believe. I will not let things like fact or logic get in my way. Fact and logic are tools of your conspirators. I reject them, just as I reject you. You are the enemy Mr. Bush. You are the anti-Christ. I hate you. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!
Sincerely,
Generic Faceless Left-Wing Doofus